Special Time: Building Bonds and Self-Regulation in Young Children

By San  Jones, NCSP, BCBA

For mothers, fostering a strong connection with their children is essential to their emotional and social development. One of the most effective tools for doing this is dedicating consistent, focused "special time." This intentional playtime not only strengthens the parent-child bond but also helps children develop critical self-regulation skills. 

Special time involves engaging with your child in activities they choose, such as building with blocks or coloring, while following their lead. By actively listening, imitating their actions, and describing their behavior, you demonstrate your interest and give them your undivided attention. This consistent focus fosters a sense of security and confidence, encouraging positive behaviors. 

Equally important is the concept of co-regulation. Young children rely on their caregivers to help them navigate big emotions. During special time, reflecting your child’s words and emotions, such as saying, “You’re excited about that tower!” or, “I see you’re feeling frustrated,” helps them identify and process their feelings. Over time, this modeling supports their ability to self-regulate in challenging situations. 

Consistency is key—try to dedicate 5-10 minutes daily at a predictable time. Avoid distractions, limit directions, and refrain from criticism. Allowing your child to lead the activity empowers their independence while maintaining a positive, safe space for connection. 

Special time isn't just about play; it's an investment in your child’s emotional growth and your relationship. By prioritizing this time, you set the stage for a resilient, self-aware, and confident future for your child.