Why Your Child’s Separation Anxiety Is Totally Normal and How to Cope

By: Gerelyn Terzo

Being a mom introduces you to more love than you’ve probably ever known. Sometimes that affection could manifest in your child as an unhealthy attachment also known as separation anxiety. Fortunately, there are signs to help you recognize when your child is feeling especially vulnerable and steps you can take to reduce their anxiety. 

Separation anxiety can show up in babies as young as eight months and stick around through the terrible twos and a little beyond. But it’s totally normal and doesn’t last forever, despite those moments when it feels like it might.

Separation anxiety is often triggered by goodbye, even when they’re safe in the arms of a grandparent or babysitter. But it could also occur when you’re a few feet away in a different room. Babies especially have no concept of time yet; for them seeing is believing.  

Babies obviously don’t understand the concept of object permanence, which states “a person still exists even when they are hidden.” So, when they can’t see, hear or touch the one individual in this world who caters to their every need, they might fear you won’t come back. 

Fortunately, there are ways to manage this special connection so that you can do what you need to do without feeling guilty. 

Follow the Signs 

• One of the tell-tale signs that your baby or toddler is experiencing separation anxiety is when they start crying the moment you leave the room. 

• A big event is another trigger that could cause your baby or toddler to become more clingy than usual. Even if they can see you, your child might worry they’ll lose you in the chaos.

• Bedtime is another opportunity for your baby’s separation anxiety to kick in. Whether they are going down for the night or a nap, sleeping is the longest period of time they spend alone. It stands to reason they would cry in protest.   

Separation anxiety can escalate to a disorder in bigger kids most commonly between the ages of seven and 11, the signs of which are different, including:

• Physical symptoms like stomach pains or headaches. 

• Shying away from usual activities such as school or playing with friends.  

• Bed wetting or nightmares at bedtime could be an indication they have a separation anxiety disorder.  

Reaction Time

The most important thing to remember about your baby’s separation anxiety is that it’s rooted in fear. As a result, you can respond in a way that has been proven to put them at ease.  

If leaving is a trigger, keep the goodbyes quick. Create a routine that will help them to understand it’s a normal transition. Whether it’s singing a song  like “My Mommy Comes Back”, holding their hand or saying I love you, it won’t be long before your child recognizes the pattern of your leaving and more importantly coming back.   

Another option is to keep them comforted with a blanket or busy with an activity like reading a book or coloring with the caregiver. While this approach might be better suited for toddlers, it’s an idea to keep in your back pocket as your baby gets older.  

When you’re at a crowded event, be patient with your baby even if there are other children there too. It might take them a little while to warm up to others, and the last thing you want to do is separate before they’re ready. If your child looks sad, scoop them up until a better time. 

At bedtime, experts suggest soothing your baby by rubbing their belly or patting them on the back but keeping them in bed at all costs if possible.

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